On Negativity

People can be real jerks sometimes. I know you know that. Just because someone else is choosing to feel miserable or to be negative doesn’t mean you have to let that invade your energy level. You don’t have to focus on that. You can maintain your vibe so they don’t bring you down to theirs. Here’s the trick: Use their negativity as a reminder.

  • Use it as a reminder of how you don’t want to be and why. Hint: One has to be feeling pretty bad to be so negative.
  • Remember that they are free to create just like you are.
  • Use it to remind you of the opposite emotion or vibration and how you do want to feel. This is a technique called “Pivoting” that Esther Hicks coined years ago.
  • Use it appreciation the wisdom you have about how you can focus differently and feel better.
  • Use it to set intentions for how you want to feel going forward.
  • Use it to remember the importance of controlling your focus.

For example, if someone treats you badly or is negative or gruff, instead of letting them dominate the airwaves, use them as a cue in your own mind to think, “Boy, do I appreciate that I’m not miserable or upset or angry like that person.” And then maybe think something like, “That reminds me that I always want to be kind, that I want to be happy, gentle, and kind,” and “It makes me appreciate the goodness I notice in most people.” This reaction is better than getting hung up focusing on their negativity which would certainly bring your vibe down and cause you to notice more negativity in the future.

To the extent that you can clear that type of negativity out of your zone, all the better but it’s not necessary. Even in ongoing relationships, it just takes one person shining brightly to dominate with positive vibes and uplift others by doing so. A big part of it is to realize that you don’t have control of them and what they are choosing to focus on. And, it takes unconditional love. They don’t have to be different in order for you to love them. Understand, they are doing the best they can at the moment, just like you are. Don’t even waste your energy trying to change them. Love them where they are. Keep a light focus if you don’t like what you see, or look the other way. Know they can rise to meet you on a higher level of vibration whenever they want to. They may want to sooner rather than later when they see how much fun you’re having up there.

Less Pain for You

One of the books I’ve been reading this week is Atomic Habits by James Clear. I can recommend it. There are many great ideas and stories there.

The purpose of this post is to share one idea that made me laugh out loud.

The Truth About Talent is the title for chapter 18. In it, James outlines a series of questions to help you hone in on the area you should focus on, based on your personality and genetics, to have the best chance of success. He mentions that you can find your niche by noticing that thing that you do that causes you less pain then it causes others!

The mark of whether you are made for a task is not whether you love it but whether you can handle the pain of the task easier than other people.

~James Clear, Atomic Habits

I found that hilarious but real. It’s another way of finding your strengths. Usually, the idea is to list what people often ask you to do. Or you list things others often appreciate that you do. It’s a way of recognizing something that is so obvious to other people but which you find so easy as to render it invisible to you.

The work that hurts you less than it hurts others is the work you are made to do.

~James Clear, Atomic Habits

Based on our natural inclination to compare ourselves to others, it becomes straightforward to remember and to recognize such tasks. I found James Clear’s questions in this section helped me realize several qualities I hadn’t entirely clarified for myself. Although his wording made me giggle, the question can help with identifying essential distinctions to consider in career choice.

Try it and see if the idea helps you become more aware of your own unique combination of personal qualities that should be a part of your professional brand and daily focus in your work.

The Stress Relief Movie

***Video Transcript***

“Is everything as urgent as your stress would imply?”  –Carrie Latet

“What different lives we should lead if we take things by the minute!” –Gilbert-Ann Taylor

“In times of great stress or adversity, it’s always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.” –Lee Iacocca

“Hope is as cheap as despair.” –Proverb

“In times of stress, be bold and valiant.” –Horace

“They who live in worry invite death to hurry.” –Anonymous

“Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live.” –Margaret Fuller

“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” –Chinese Proverb

—end transcript —